Two nuggets of random information—one tucked so far back in my brain it’s a wonder it found daylight again—came racing toward each other at the speed of light. As is often the case, we store bits and pieces of interesting things and only recall them when needed. Sometimes, even when needed, they don’t heed our request to surface—but that’s a conversation for another day. Today is about a question I recently read, and another I heard decades ago on The Suze Orman Show.
First Nugget
To paraphrase the question from the advice column: a writer asked whether his preference to live an introverted life in retirement was somehow “wrong.” He noted that many had told him retirement is more fulfilling if you have purpose and community. The response he received essentially said: it’s your retirement—spend it how you want. I believe the answer also mentioned research, offered reassurances that friends meant well, and concluded with the bottom line: do it your way.
Second Nugget
The second memory comes from a caller on Suze Orman’s show who was concerned about her genetic risk of cancer. Her mother had died of an aggressive form of breast cancer, and though the caller was being monitored and followed medically, she worried that if she waited until age 65 to start drawing Social Security, she might miss out entirely. Suze Orman’s typical stance on early withdrawals from Social Security was a firm “don’t—unless you absolutely have to.” But in this case? She responded with unusual urgency: “Take it as soon as you can.” The thinking was that if it would provide the caller peace of mind and reduce her stress, then the trade-off of a smaller long-term payout was well worth it.
Connecting the Dots
That’s the long road to say this: there is no one path to or through retirement. How you spend your time, financial resources, and energy is shaped by far more than those online planning tools would have you believe.
Nearly every day in my practice, clients bring up the topic of shaping life after the formal working years. For all the time we spend imagining, financially planning, and wistfully saying, “Oh, when I’m no longer working…,” the truth is most people don’t take their personal circumstances fully into account.
Please don’t misunderstand me—financial planning is important. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today.
What I am talking about is how critical it is to think about who you are and what shapes your goals. Our motivations are incredibly personal—many are difficult to articulate. Some aren’t even visible to us yet, which is ironic, isn’t it?
Making it Yours
This is a big topic, so let’s start with a few basics to help you begin thinking this through.
One of the first things I like to ask is: how did your parents or family members navigate their retirement years? Did they live to see retirement, or pass away beforehand? If they did retire, what did you observe from the sidelines? I once knew someone who was so out of sync with retirement that they spent their first year wandering aimlessly, disappointed that the experience didn’t match their expectations. It likely wasn’t what they envisioned at all.
Next, consider how much—if any—travel or adventuring you’d like to do. Did you travel so much for work that you now want to avoid airports at all costs? Or are you itching to visit every national park, every state, or every continent? Maybe you fall somewhere in between.
As you think about time, consider how you’d like to structure your days or weeks. Will you pack your schedule with classes, hobbies, meals with friends, or time in nature? Or take a more flexible, “let’s see what today brings” approach? Research clearly supports the benefits of regular social connection, but that may not suit you—at least not right away. If you’re one of the first in your peer group to retire, your friends might not be as available. This is where branching out or being mindful of others’ work schedules can help you stay social, even if it means adjusting your expectations.
Watch Your Step!
Here’s a common pitfall I see in my work: people begin caretaking—of partners, parents, or grandchildren—without fully realizing it’s becoming their primary responsibility. This might be welcome, or it might quietly take over in ways you hadn’t planned for. Caretakers are especially vulnerable to burnout, resentment, and stress-related health issues. Clear boundaries can make a world of difference.
As uncomfortable as it may be, now is also the time to be honest about your expectations around aging and family. The romantic idea that your family will “be there” for you in the ways you imagine is… well, about as realistic as a mass-market bodice-ripper. Lovely in theory—but rarely how it plays out.
If you’re considering moving to be near family, ask yourself: how likely are they to stay in that area? Could you build a life of your own in that new place, one not entirely dependent on family for social or emotional support? If you stay where you are, do you have access to community resources or enough of a social network?
I’ve seen too many situations where someone moves to be close to family only to find that the family is less involved than expected. It’s better to plan for independence—with family as a bonus, not a guarantee.
It’s Inevitable…Our Bodies Age
Here’s another thing you may not have thought of: healthcare. If you move to a rural area or somewhere more remote, access to providers can be extremely limited. It’s not uncommon to wait 6 to 8 months for an appointment with a new specialist. And if you’re unable to drive, do you have friends, ride services, or public options available? Some towns offer transportation for seniors, but often only within certain boundaries.
And Finally ~
I started this piece by connecting two seemingly unrelated memories—and here’s how they tie together: if we don’t shape our post-work years around our unique needs, we’re doing ourselves a disservice. What used to be the norm for people over 65 is no longer what most of us want. And what’s coming next? It hasn’t fully taken shape yet. Or maybe it has for you.
Maybe your dream is to live in a golf-cart community, sip poolside cocktails, and relax into every moment. Great!
What I’m suggesting is that now is the time to start thinking about what matters most to you. What are your personal goals? How do you want to get there? If that sounds overwhelming—just like financial planning often does at first—start with one small step. Go back through this piece and make a list of questions you’d like to explore for yourself.
Spend the time. I guarantee it will be worth it.
