When the Ground Quakes Under Our Feet
A friend recently recommended the book, “Life is in the Transitions” by Bruce Feiler so, one rainy afternoon the other day, I picked it up and started in. And promptly put it back down. Picked it up again and thought to myself, “what’s the problem here?” The problem, very simply, is that it hits a tad close to home. Not in a ‘oh man’ kind of way but rather in a ‘oh yeah, this makes perfect sense’ kind of way.
Feiler suggests that our lives, when we pull back the lens over time, generally has a major life transition about every 18 months, with major “life quakes,” as he calls them, happening between 3 and 5 times over the course of the average lifespan.
Feiler goes on to talk about what a life quake is but I suspect you get the idea just from the label; something that really rocks us to our foundation. Death of a parent, spouse or child, divorce, re-defining one’s gender and/or sexuality, major medical illnesses, pitching one career for another. Within that he further breaks down personal quakes vs collective ones, voluntary vs involuntary. Here’s the kicker; the majority of these life altering events will be both personal and involuntary. Our world is rocked but everyone else keeps going on, as if nothing has happened. And for them, it hasn’t.
All of this got me wondering about the life events we all experience and how, when possible, we prepare for them. Being prepared can’t be overrated but the odd thing is, we can’t always have a ‘to do’ list for such events. Or can we?
Well, from where I’m sitting here are some key strategies which you might find helpful in navigating your own bumps and fall to the ground quakes ~ ready for the list?
- Start getting comfortable with the idea that nothing stays the same. The meal at your favorite restaurant won’t always taste the same, the friends you hang out with now will likely change over time.
- We can prepare for changes which are chosen; buying a house, getting married or welcoming a new member into our family. But even then, there will be the unexpected twists.
- Keeping our focus on what’s important to us vs what others tell us ‘should’ be important will go a long way in staying steady when the waters get choppy.
- Whenever possible, however possible, being mindful of the moments of gratitude whether that’s an excellent frozen yogurt machine in the hospital cafeteria or the sweet parking spot found when it was literally or figuratively down pouring.
- Although it sounds cliche, keeping in mind that whatever ‘this’ is, it will pass. The sting of the hurt or the joy of the moment, will fade. That’s how it goes.
Now that you’ve started to think about how to prepare for a quake, let’s look at one of those quakes that can be seen coming a mile down the pike; retirement.
Believe it or not, entering into retirement is considered to be one of the most stressful periods in our lives. Surprised? Well, if you see it as the life quake it is, it’s easier to imagine where the stress is coming from. Most of us have spent many hours in pursuit of our careers, and when that begins to fade, it can feel a bit like the ground is shifting under our feet. Add to that the social aspect of work, and the lose of daily contact with co-workers, you have a full blown quake.
I’ve been talking a lot about retirement in recent months but the reality is there are many life events for which we’d be wise to do some prep work for; going off to college or starting a trade, starting a career path, beginning or ending a relationship, creating a family or blending one, re-working our lives in some manner. The list goes on but you’ve got the idea ~ when we take the time to develop the skills, we’re more likely to weather the shifts with less stress. I hope this resonates with you and that you too will begin to make some plans for whatever comes next, because something will happen…that’s the fun of it all!
If you’re having some trouble picturing how you can get your own to do list ready for what may come up next, I’m happy to do that with you. Just drop me an email so we can get started.
