What We Can Plan for Now & Why It Matters
Nine years ago, as 50 was peaking at me from around the corner, I started to hear more and more people commenting that they weren’t ready for retirement. Now, as a mental health clinician, I’ll admit those comments usually led to asking lovely open-ended questions I’m so fond of. “Can you tell me what part of not being in the workforce is causing this anxiety?” It was more than a little bit surprising when the answers came back focused on quality of life, shaping their time and seeking to re-frame their lives; I had expected to hear about financial insecurities. Bzzzz! Wrong answer.
It’s not that financial concerns aren’t a source of tension and stress, but they are just a part of the puzzle. Many years ago I was privy to an argument between my landlord and his wife, as she screamed at him to “get out of my house” during the day time hours – apparently his retirement was crimping her style. At the time I didn’t really get it – student loan payments and a new career had most of my attention.
As another birthday, this one with a number ending in zero, begins to make a showing in the distant future, more of pieces are clicking into place for me. With the possible exceptions of the times we leave our family home to go enter the Adult world, retirement is one of the biggest shifts we make in our day to day identity.
Most of us identify ourselves by our careers; it’s almost like a label we tag onto ourselves. It’s one of the easiest ways to connect with others, perhaps categorize them in our minds, “oh…owns a restaurant…we probably won’t have too much in common…” Without our job titles or professional training just how do we place ourselves in the world around us?
Those job titles and careers also gave us the financial foundation for our retired years – if we’re lucky. We make financial plans and hope for the best. We hope that we won’t be a burden on our families and that we’ll have choices about where we want to live and how we spend our time. I know, for myself, viable options are what I’m aiming for.
And that brings us to now. Perhaps you’re one of the 11,200 people who will retire at the end of the day today. Perhaps the date is still a bit further in the distance but you’ve started thinking of, “what and how do I want to spend this next chapter?”
Maybe you’ve started to notice the stories on the news or overheard conversations about what Ms. Sadie did after she retired from 45 years of teaching and now she’s traveling the world, sending back postcards to the new teacher that was assigned her classroom. That leaves me to thinking, “that doesn’t sound so bad.”
Or you watch as a relative of yours, who had a long career in law enforcement, heads off into the sunset to further, distant ground where he’ll be able to be anonymous as he takes part in the raising of his grandchildren, a privilege he missed out with his own kids.
For all I know, you’ve been sitting on your bum for the past week, healing that twisted ankle you got while trying to participate in bungee yoga, and found The Golden Girls on TV. Before you know what’s happening, you’ve gathered a group of your friends and started to make arrangements to buy a home with plenty of room for you, your mom and some of your friends. And then you realize that with the shifting demographics of those working in the healthcare field, you might not be able to find care when you need it in your home, so you’re off to think about another option.
And all of that swings us back to who and how do you want to be in your retired years? Where do you want to live and what are your priorities for this next phase? A traveler who is exploring places previously only seen in pictures? A new grandparent who is soaking in the wonderfulness that is being a around a young child? The newest version of a Golden Girl?
I’m lucky in that I have a long list of people who started off on new, exciting adventures later in their lives, not to mention the amazing crew of role models around me. The list keeps me aspiring and the people cheer me on. I’m thinking here of Peggy Rowe, who was published a book that went on to be a best seller, for the first time when she was 80 or of Grandma Joy who is traveled to all the national parks with her grandson Brad Ryan. Joy and Ryan are now hitting up other nature preserves and state parks. Grandma Joy is now 94 and started the adventure back in 2015. I’d say that is pretty darn cool.
Want to hear more about Grandma Joy and Ryan? You can take a listen here: https://www.npr.org/2023/06/01/1178898433/ohio-grandma-sets-record-im-the-oldest-old-lady-to-ever-visit-every-national-par
How does this relate to you? While none of us knows what the future holds, we do all have the capacity to begin to shape and create what might work best for us in this next phase of life. What might feel the most comfortable or most realistic for our future. Just like the first step to addressing a problem is to name it, the first step here is to acknowledge the enviable; the years of work structuring your day, and maybe even your identity, won’t go on forever.
Wondering just where to start? Oddly enough, you’re going to start with the ending in mind – how do you want to be remembered when you’re no longer here? What qualities do you want attached to your memory? Since I sincerely doubt you want to be remembered as, “the jerk” or “the one who moved away” let’s start to think about living the values you hold near and dear. One last suggestion for you – start now to get comfortable with the idea of change. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus had it correct when he said, “The only constant is change.”
Sixty might be the ‘new’ 30 or whatever else is said about it these days, and I see it now, as I did fifty, peeking around the corner at me. Yes, time marches on, change is inevitable and the future is now. Sayings aside, I have started to take the steps to lay down the best foundation I can. I hope you are too.
